Image. It’s all about image and presentation. But why do British women (or so many women in general) hate the way they look? What is it in us that makes us so full of self-loathing and personal criticism. Honestly, with friends like ourselves, who needs enemies?
As a personal stylist, I see everything… so many different shapes and sizes, colours and textures, lumps and bumps; no woman is the same. But there is one constant: the complete and utter dissatisfaction with how we look. Men don’t seem to suffer from it in the same way. Yes, there are the odd few that have a crisis of confidence every now and again but so many of my male clients come with an innate (dare I say, overblown) sense of their own worth and looks. Why are women so different?
I find it deeply upsetting seeing how miserable women can make themselves with the passing of every mirror or shop window holding an opportunity to shame themselves a little bit further, to give themselves another emotional battering at the extra curve on the hip, or the slightest sense if a bulge on the tummy. Rarely do I meet a woman who looks in the mirror and actually likes what she sees – it’s as though all that is wrong blinds her to anything that could possibly be right.
So few women seem to appreciate what they have or value anything about themselves – and what’s worse is they then feel the need to point it out to those around them, further adding to the battering they give themselves.
A dear friend of mine recently got married and as one of the (six) bridesmaids we all went away for a week’s pre-wedding sun, sand, sea and pampering. We had a wonderful week – full of late night laughter of a bottle or four of wine, long drawn out meals cooked from fresh ingredients found at the local supermarket and hours spent lounging at the side of crystal clear blue waters. But one thing stands out for me: the varying moments of crisis and despair as we prepared to go out for an evening or a special day trip, with every girl having a point when they thought their own wardrobe completely unsuitable. Not one of these girls balked at wearing a bikini but every single one had a crisis when it came to putting on something special.
The other noticeable element was how few of these, very good-looking girls had ever spent any time pampering themselves. Throughout the holiday, as they gained confidence one of the girls would ask me to do their make up or show them how to do their nails. They hadn’t realised how simple it was and had shied away from all these from experimenting for fear of getting it wrong.
On the night before the wedding, we all gathered at the chief bridesmaids house for nibbles and beauty preparation. One by one nails were manicured and feet painted. I thought this was all part of a girl’s weekly routine… little did I realise that for them it was a complete novelty.
What amazed me the most was how little it took to bolster these girls’ confidence. A few kind words and a bit of encouragement and they were on their way with big smiles… that was all it took. Spending an evening in washing your hair has always been a bit of a joke in England. An excuse for copping out of a date… but it can make such a difference to feeling good. Every one of the girls I met said they were going to spend time grooming and pampering from now on. I wonder how many of them stuck to it.
One final thing. Men, please take note. When your partner is asking you how she looks, she doesn’t want to be told that yes, her bum does look big! She needs stroking… just like you do. Tell her she looks great a couple of times she might even start to believe it and act it. She’s looking for your approval. The one thing that is utterly clear to me now is that in order to feel great women need to feel valued – it goes a long way to killing that self-loathing.
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